


Counting Down the Days Until I See You

by fineinthemorning



Series: Poems [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Conspiracy, Gen, Politics, Trust Issues, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 13:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4222875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineinthemorning/pseuds/fineinthemorning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a side-story to 'A Poem for Farewells'. (aka part 2 of the 13th chapter that was re-located due to length)</p><p>We know what Kaneki Ken has been doing the last three years while living as Sasaki Haise, but where has Hide been? Working as the CCG's Minister of Foreign Relations, Hideyoshi Washuu has been traveling the world to respond to any ghoul-related issue each branch of the CCG faces.<br/>What has he left behind? And what sacrifices must he make? Will he ever make it home?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counting Down the Days Until I See You

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was incredibly nervous about this chapter(I rewrote it and edited it 5 million times). When some friends read it they suggessted it be separate, so I am positing it as a side-story. It's good if you read it, because it gives clues about what will happen in Transition, but if not, I don't think you'll be completely in the dark or anything. If you don't want to read all of it, I suggesst just reading the last part, since that's Hide's perspective on the ceremony. /nod
> 
> As one of my kind readers, optimustaud, has coined, chameleon!Hide is featured throughout this chapter. He may seem ooc in some points, but please remember that chameleon!Hide can change colors depending on his environment. /wink wink Go get some popcorn or a cake (a whole cake- it’s 13,000 words). This is a ridiculously long chapter and the next chapter of Farewells will probably be up by the time you finish reading this one. OTL

_600 Days_

“Mr. Washuu! Wow! It’s an honor to meet you, sir! Thank you so much for your help in constructing the American branch of the CCG,” a blonde in a navy suit held his hand out in greeting.

And the other shook it quickly, “It’s been a pleasure, thank you,” he answered in English, eyes kind towards the newly appointed cabinet member for the CCG American branch. It was almost over. He would be flying out to France in a week’s time to over-see the progress and final stages of the implementation of the CCG French Branch. Apparently there were still a few wrinkles that needed to be ironed out in their conflicts of authority with the federal and city police. It was his job to correct anything that needed fixing. “And you can call me Hide,” he added and ran a hand through his short brown hair.

“There’s a problem, though,” the young cabinet member, even younger than Hide himself, fidgeted nervously before detailing the issue, and Hide held his breath while the other went on, “The prisons are over-flowing- one in particular . . . the federal ghoul prison.”

“I see,” was all he said, but he mentally released a string of expletives. _Of course they are; it’s because your policies prevent the catch and release system._ He’d learned during his time in India that balance was rather important in human-ghoul relations. The American Branch, like all of the other branches that were being built in other countries throughout the world still used respective laws to govern the operations of the CCG. While the basics of each CCG branch remained the same and were modeled after the highly successful and thus far full-proof example of the Tokyo branch, the details were altered and decided in accordance of pre-existing laws in each country.

It was Hide’s job as the Minister of Foreign Relations to not only establish each branch, but also _transition_ each one to be successful and operative within the cultural and societal norms of each country. He’d thus far worked in India and America, but, before he’d be anywhere near Japan again, he was already promised to France and Spain as well.

His grandfather kept him busy, but with the title he’d been given, he knew that anyone in his position would not only be busy but also _invaluable_ to the partnerships and communications between nations in regard to _International Ghoul Law_ \- something that was still currently in development. Matsuri Washuu had held the title previously but had only worked in Germany and China. After the Antieku Raid and two months of rigorous training, Hideyoshi had been thrust into the world of politics and foreign affairs upon Matsuri’s return to Japan. He’d hit the ground running hard and hadn’t had time to look back even if he’d wanted to. He didn’t even have time to recognize feelings like _exhaustion, hopelessness, and loneliness._

“So, President Bolton has decided to exterminate them,” the young cabinet member went on when Hide said nothing else.

This caught his attention and he stopped working through the organization of the several files on his desk, “What?”

“President Bolton is issuing a complete extermination of all ghoul prisoners,” and it was clear just by looking at the young cabinet member how incredibly uncomfortable he was about this.

Hide, hiding his true thoughts and using his now typical _business-as-usual_ tone, continued to gather what information was needed before he made his next move, “ _He’s_ not even _involved_ with the CCG,” and by _he_ , he actually meant the title of _President_ in general, “What are the cabinet members saying?”

 _He’s crazy. I can’t let this happen._ In his mind, Hide was already calculating the possible affects this action would have on human-ghoul relations in the states. They were already awful, as they were in _most_ countries, but something on this scale was akin to calling for a war. The American CCG branch was still new, only about a year and a half old now, so it wasn’t even organized enough to respond let alone handle something on that scale. Sure, it had replaced an old ghoul countermeasures system but that organization had been a failure from the start as it had been a corporation- not an organization that worked in conjunction with the federal government.

“Mr. Washuu?” the cabinet member called him out of his thoughts.

And yet it was the federal government that was currently getting in their way. “Yes, I’m listening,” but he didn’t look at the cabinet member as he went back to organizing his work. _Nothing about this job is ever easy._ He only enjoyed the challenge when lives weren’t at stake, which, truthfully, was almost never.

“We had a meeting. We argued against it, but the President has the authority to override our decision.”

Hide froze, put down the file currently in his hand, and stretched. _So, what you’re telling me is that now that we’ve fixed the problem, a new one has arisen? By having the federal government involved, people who are ignorant of ghoul countermeasures are making decisions regarding them._

Hide stood, and it caused the other man to straighten which clearly signaled to Hide the amount of respect he held for him, “We can’t let this happen. Bring the cabinet together again. How will they be exterminated?”

The young cabinet member tried to match Hide’s tone, “With gas, I think. They’re just using hydrogen cyanide gas. It targets the oxygen in the blood, so it’d kill ghouls just as easy as it would kill humans.”

“I see.” Hide wasn’t familiar with a few of the words, so he sounded them out in his head and wrote them on a pad of paper- ‘hy-droh-jen cy-uh-ni-duh’. He understood that the blonde was merely pointing out that the chemical was readily available, but the wording of the sentence gave him a chill up his back.

“Sir?”

Hide would need to think of something quickly. Time was not on his side. “If that’s all, then you can leave. Let me know when the cabinet is together. We’ll need to rework a formal appeal to the president.”

“Of course,” and the cabinet member, thoroughly shaken by Hide’s reaction, made to leave quickly to carry out his assigned task.

“Wait!” Hide stopped him, “When is the President issuing the use of the gas?” This could change everything.

“I believe it should all be ready by tomorrow afternoon- 18:00 hours. The federal-claimed ghoul prison is rather large, and they’re filling the whole thing. I think they’re setting it up to be automated so only ghouls will be on the premises.”

No, time was _never_ on his side. Hide sat down and let it sink in. He needed to look up the words he’d written down. When he noticed the other hadn’t left, his eyes shot up to meet his, “Have the cabinet re-work the appeal and do everything you can to reach the president tomorrow.”

“Y-yes sir!” the eager-to-please blonde was out the door seconds later.

And Hideyoshi Washuu sighed, suddenly feeling a hundred years old. His heart wasn’t cut out for these sorts of things, but it didn’t matter what he _thought_ he was capable of.

<><><><><><><><><>

_599 Days_

It was no secret that America had the highest prison population in the world. With 1 in 31 humans being sent to prison, the call for structures built specifically for ghouls was swift and immediate. Truly, the system the previous company operated on was rather genius. All ghouls that were not killed were housed in prisons made specifically to hold ghouls. They were used for research, experiments, and whatever could be viable as human test subjects. Since their biology was very much like humans, many products, sciences, and even simple limits could be tested on ghouls before being deemed appropriate for human use. Stronger ghouls had their _kakuhous_ , which, in America were called _marias_ , extracted. The _marias_ were turned into weapons that could be bought and sold on the market for an exuberant amount to _any_ US citizen with a standard arms license who could pay up. In the states that held the ‘Open Carry Law’, like Texas, for example, these _quinque weapons_ , also called _marias_ , were worn as fashion items in cube shaped boxes. To Hide, this was all incredibly bizarre, most certainly sick, and on so many levels – _inhumane_. The corporation that had been running the system of ghoul countermeasures seemed to have it all figured out. That was until the Rebellion. The Rebellion was not something Hide had been present for, and it had been short-lasting at only two months, but if asked, he’d say it was likely nothing compared to what he had experienced while in India. Wars are fought very differently depending on _where_ you are and _who_ is fighting, and nothing could convince him it could be worse than what he’d already seen.

Because the prior organization in America had such a clever system for exploiting their ghoul prisoners, a grandiose amount of money had been spent on this prison and, at capacity, it could hold some five thousand prisoners, but at the moment it was closer to 7,000 that were imprisoned. The prison was 10 stories tall and cylindrical with the security facilities located in the center while the cells surrounded them along the outer circumference. Around the facility, the American branch of the CCG was waiting. One of the guards had botched the plan and let slip that the facility would be gassed. As soon as the inmates had realized the human guards were gone, all hell had broken loose. Within an hour, it was determined that many had been freed. Some had rushed outside only to be slaughtered by the awaiting officers. No one had left for the last ten minutes. Someone within seemed to be organizing them.

Hide, feeling responsible for this turn of events had taken it upon himself to keep this mass slaughter from happening. While the cabinet in charge of the operations of the CCG American branch was appealing to the President, he’d be inside ready to stop the gas manually from being released. It was 15:00 hours. Hide had _one hour_. He had done stupid things in his life, but this had to take the cake.

When he arrived on the roof of the facility, a crowd of ghouls had parted around him. Apparently, whoever was organizing this mess held every intention to hear him out. None of them had their kagune out. _Aren’t they at least going to fight over who gets to eat me?_ He held his arms out as a show of surrender.

A woman with blonde hair and a white leather eyepatch over her right eye stepped forward from the crowd.

“Who are you, and why did they send you?” her tone was neutral. She didn’t appear nervous, and the only thing intimidating about her was the fact that she seemed to be in charge of the hundreds of ghouls on the roof surrounding them.

He appreciated that she didn’t waste time.

“I’m Hide. I came of my own volition. I promise I’m not a suspicious person!” he smiled before raising an eyebrow, “You’re the one running this organized chaos, then?” His arms were still up. He was the picture of calm on the outside, but inwardly, he was constantly reassessing the situation.

“We’re _leaving_. Surely you weren’t sent here to stop us?” she didn’t _appear_ to be that powerful, but Hide couldn’t make judgements on looks alone. There had to be a _reason_ they were following her.

His smile faltered, and his tone was serious; he did his best to sound as honest as possible, “You won’t make it past that fence. They’ve set up more than mines. They have new weapons, too, that use RC suppressants to prevent your people from regenerating. If you try to escape, all of you will die. If you stay here, the gas will kill you. It’s the same stuff they used during the Holocaust. It attacks the cells in your blood.”

Then, without warning, Hide felt himself lifted into the air by the ankle, and as he was, his hands reached for his twin pistols- one black and one white, and he cocked and aimed them in the woman’s direction as he hung upside down. Her kagune was thin and white. He looked at her closely. _Where the hell is it coming from?_ She was wearing a shirt and pants- the issued prison uniform, but he couldn’t see where the white rope-like kagune came _out_. His eyes darted around to the others, but it wasn’t coming from anyone else as far as he could tell, either. It had taken him too long to realize- there was no kakugan. _She’s half?_ He tried not to let his shock show. He hadn’t seen one- not since-

Her expression was something of a smirk when he withdrew the guns, “I don’t see a gas mask, Hide. You just have a death wish?”

“You need to stop this rebellion. I’m going to stop the gas from being released,” and his voice was confident, clear, and concrete- nothing like how he actually felt being hung upside down in front of possibly hundreds of hungry ghouls. Despite the fact that he was being stared at like Christmas dinner, he gave off the impression that he had complete control of the current situation.

“That’s your call?” she raised an eyebrow. Still, none of the other ghouls made a move; they were watching her.

“No, it’s on an automated system, but if we can manually stop it from being released, the people will be fine. From there, this little rebellion has given me plenty to work with to prove that killing all of you was a terrible idea,” to emphasize how little his desire was for them to die, he actuallybent his elbows and pulled his pistols to either side as he smiled gently.

The half-ghoul must not have expected that. He felt the kagune around his ankle relax, and she released it just slowly enough to give him enough time to realize he would be falling soon. Somehow, he managed to land on his feet again. The blonde had released him, but she did nothing to hide her suspicions, “But that doesn’t make any sense. That means you’re risking your life to save ghouls. You’re-”

“Human, yes, I know. I’ve been reminded of that quite a bit lately. But these people can’t die here. We have to get them to safety, but if we can prevent the gas from ever getting in, then they won’t have to suffer at all, but I need your _help_.” As another act of trust, he returned his quinque guns to their respective holsters. _If this doesn’t work, this is the end of my short life._

“You’re in a den of lions.” And she actually laughed, “You’re crazy,” and she looked amused despite the situation.

“Well . . . some say you’re not really living a full life until you do.” He managed to grow his smile wider, before he fell serious again. It was hard to read this person, and the fact that she was half was getting to him. “We have one of three options.” And he raised his voice for all that were on the roof to hear, “You can live! You can die out here by being slaughtered by the CCG, or you can die from the gasses inside the prison!”

Immediately there was a bustle of noise. Everyone began yelling over the three options, what death meant, what freedom meant, if a human could be trusted, and everything else in-between.

“You can promise that?” The blonde with the one brown eye and the eyepatch yelled over the crowd in his direction.

“I can stake my life on it. If you and your people die, so do I, and I have more things to do with my life you know-”

“Where is the gas? I’m coming with you.” It was a command- not an offer.

“The basement.” He looked at his watch, “We have forty-five minutes. The gas will be released at 18:00 hours.”

“Everyone, listen up. If it is not communicated to you that the gas has been stopped, by 5:55, you need to leave. Run. Get out! Escape!” She walked over to him and grabbed the white sleeve of his CCG uniform, “Now, clear a path!”

_I can’t believe this actually worked._

She pulled him through the crowd, “I don’t want to die today _, either_ , so you had better be telling the goddamn truth,” and her voice was venom.

“We just need to make it there on time!” and despite the fact that he still couldn’t tell _why_ the other ghouls were responding to her, he couldn’t help but feel relieved that they were. He’d somehow gotten her to trust him.

“The elevators aren’t working, so we have to use the stairwell,” and when she pulled him through the door, they were surrounded instantly in an atmosphere of fear and panic.

“Get out of the way!” she yelled down the stairwell that was likely used for emergency evacuations. When Hide looked down, all he saw were an endless stairway filled to the brim with panicked ghouls. Hide said nothing and just followed her. With the weapons he had on him, he’d still be dead in minutes. There were just too many of them. He wasn’t ignorant to the fact that she was protecting them as they made their way down the stairwell. Something about this was not right.

They’d gone down several flights when he noticed that the stairwell had cleared. It was empty. He recalled the structure of the prison, “The third floor?”

“Solitary confinement,” she confirmed.

“They’re still trapped?”

“It’s clear you’re a fucking idiot, but surely you know that much- the first seven floors are just ghouls. They’re _just_ ghouls. They tried to live in society as best they could. They were imprisoned for _being_ ghouls. They can’t fight- I mean- barely.” She had let go of him and was catching her breath, so her pacing slowed. He noticed she was acting differently from when they were on the roof just now-angrier and less confident. He needed to figure her out quickly. It could mean the difference between living or dying.

“Is that why they listen to you?” he ventured to ask. If she was out of breath from running down seven flights of stairs, she clearly didn’t have the best stamina. It _couldn’t be_ because she was _half_. That wasn’t how anyone in Tokyo had responded to-

The blonde didn’t answer.

“What floor are you from?” he tried instead.

“The second.”

 _So you’re A class or higher? You also had solitary confinement._ He focused his next question on something else though, “Then the prisoners on the second floor are free?”

She shook her head as they passed the third floor and were now on the stairs for the second, “They haven’t been released. The third through the first floor haven’t been released.”

“You’re saying no one got out of solitary confinement except you?”

“. . . Yes,” and when she reached the first floor, she turned around suddenly to look at him, “These stairs don’t go to the basement.” She was clearly invested in saving the prisoners, and Hide could see that in her single eye. It was wide and desperate. So, she would need him alive at least until then.

“There is another set of stairs on the other side of the first floor. We’d have to go through.” Hide put his hand on the handle of the first floor door, and she grabbed him by the shoulder and threw him back.

“Quit trying to fucking kill yourself.” She stepped in front of him to open the door, “I’ll go first. Wait a second.”

He didn’t have time to question her actions. She walked through the door and slammed it behind her. Hide waited in the gray stairwell, looking up at the ghouls that were desperately trying to file out and escape to the roof. He had been hearing explosions off and on outside just during the time it had taken them to get to the first floor. It meant the ghouls were getting anxious. They were already trying to escape and had tried running towards the fences. This was such a mess.

The same door opened a few minutes later, and he noticed a change in the ghoul’s disposition. She looked physically exhausted. Something had clearly happened while he’d been waiting through it couldn’t have been any longer than a few minutes.

“What-?”

And before he could ask, she grabbed his arm and pulled him through, “They’re all drugged. It’s safe. I checked.”

“Drugged?” he’d heard of some prisons doing that, but he didn’t realize it was done here.

The first floor was silent and the lighting was dim. Within seconds, he felt sick. Hide had experienced this in India. He _didn’t_ need to see it. He _didn’t_ need to smell it. He could _feel_ it. He was in the presence of _death_. Whatever was on the other side of the solid cell doors with the tiny barred windows was, was now _dead_. All of them were dead.

“Yeah, the prison keeps all the ghouls on the first floor on RC suppressants. You didn’t know that either?” and under her breath, she added, “Fucking useless- better know how to stop this damn gas.”

 _Why is she lying to me?_ He looked at her hand that was gripped to his white jacket sleeve. _Why didn’t you just say they were dead?_ This person was just getting more difficult to read. He needed to understand her motives for her actions, and quickly. _How did they die?_ “Make a left up ahead. There should be a door around the corner.” She let go of him when they made it to the turn in order to open the door and go in ahead of him. He met her single eye briefly. “I got it from here.” He found the iron barrels of the hydrogen cyanide and the computers they were connected to. He immediately began working through the wiring. She didn’t leave, so he prompted her, “You can leave.”

“When it’s _done_ , I’ll let them know,” she responded in an irked tone which he decided to ignore.

The rest of the operation went through without a hitch and several hours later, the CCG had reclaimed the prison. Hide had stayed to help usher the prisoners back to their cells. He wasn’t much of a fighter. If he were ranked, he would fall in the area of Rank 2, but since his position within the CCG required him to be a Jack of all Trades, he’d been doing his best to improve as he went. There had been fatalities on either side, only because of the sheer number of ghouls. By the end of it, the prison was at capacity again. A guard from the prison walked up to the blonde eye-patched ghoul that had helped him stop the release of the gas and cuffed her without hesitation.

Their eyes met, and Hide said the words he’d been repeating in his own mind, “They’re _safe_. That’s what matters,” he reasoned to her.

“ _Right._ ” She raised her arms to point out the handcuffs that had been placed around her wrists and she rolled her eye, “ _Safe._ ”

Hide was going to respond, but his phone began to ring. Seeing it was the cabinet member, he swiped to answer it. When he looked up again to see the ghoul that had helped him, he saw only her back. She was already being escorted back to her cell.He had never actually voiced his gratitude. Had saving the lives of the others really been that important to her?

He brought the phone to his ear, “So, what made the president change his mind?”

The cabinet member was learning quickly that to Hide, time was precious, “We’re not sure. He said, ‘After a rather convincing phone call from Japan, I’ve decided to trust the lot of you with ghoul countermeasures.’ Something along those lines . . .”

Hide repeated the words in his mind. _So that’s what happened?_

“Mr. Washuu? I mean- Hide?” the cabinet member sounded concerned when Hide didn’t respond right away.

“It’s nothing. Thanks. Looks like I won’t be going to France this week,” and he managed something of a chuckle.

The cabinet member laughed back in response, his tone considerably lighter and clearly relieved that somehow, both the problem of the over-crowding and the threat of war had been solved, “Really? We’d really appreciate your assistance the next couple of months in . . . .”

Hide knew he shouldn’t have, but he tuned out the rest of the man’s words.

_A convincing phone call from Japan, huh?_

The whole experience left a bad taste in his mouth. It had all been too _easy_.

<><><><><><><><><><>

_585 Days_

“ _Kurushimi no tsukita basho ni shawase ga matsu toiu yo. Boku wa mada sagashite iru kisersu hazure no himawari_.” A scratchy and deep, haunting voice echoed through the second floor of the federal ghoul prison. It wasn’t beautiful, but it wasn’t off-key, either. It was distinct. What stood out most to Hide was that it was Japanese. He hadn’t been home in over a year. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss it.

It had been a week since he’d stopped the genocide of the prisoners. As Hide followed the circular pathway to cell 22, he slowly realized where the singing was coming from.

“So, you’re Siren, right?” he was actually holding her file in his hands, but he was attempting to be friendly.

The half-ghoul that had assisted him in the prison operation rolled her one brown eye and answered sarcastically, “Gee, I wonder what gave that away . . .”

The brunette nodded with a smile and reintroduced himself, “It’s pretty cool you know Japanese. I’m Hideyoshi Washuu, but please continue to call me Hide.”

She blinked, took a moment to really look at him through the tight bars, and then dismissed him, “My mother was Japanese,” and she said nothing after that.

“This is the part where you introduce yourself.”

“You already kn-“

“That’s not your _real_ name,” and his smile hadn’t left.

He wouldn’t call her by the name humans had labeled her as? “ . . . It’s Anna.” And when he didn’t leave, she grew more annoyed. He watched her eye fall to the file in his hands. “Are you an asshole, Hide?”

“What? No way! I’m a saint!” he scratched his cheek as his smile grew and he maintained an image of innocence.

“Then you’re one of those nice guys that get duped all the time?”

“Well, _I_ think I’m a nice guy. I mean, I try to be, but as far as getting ‘duped’ . . .” and he said under his breath, “I don’t actually know what ‘duped’ means.” Was it slang? He needed to write it down to look it up later.

“It means ‘fucked over’,” and she sighed, “So you’re just an idiot, then?”

“I don’t know how you’re drawing these conclusions . . . “

“Only an idiot would pull the shit you did. One human among thousands of ghouls? Complete idiot. You have a sick death wish.”

“Well if by that definition . . .” No, he couldn’t really argue with that . . . not even a little bit.

She shook her head and finally smiled, “You’re pretty incredible for an idiot.”

He noticed her change in expression. It was the first time he’d seen her actually smile and not smirk. There was a clear difference, “Oh, have you fallen for me, Anna? That was pretty easy. Your file says you’re a ‘man-eater’, so I must be pretty hot stuff if I’ve already managed to win your heart.”

“A ‘man-eater’? You’re a comedian, too?” he watched her expression, and he could tell that she was trying to understand him herself. She was sizing him up, so to speak.

“Ah, there you have it. I’m a funny and handsome saint. Using my first two qualities I can get away with doing idiotic things,” he crossed his arms in front of him and smiled with pride at his rationale.

She actually emitted a scoff which fell something short of a laugh, “I never called you handsome,” and, as if remembering her situation- being behind bars, she asked, “Why are you here, anyway?”

“I need your help,” a simple answer.

“My help?” she finally stood up and walked up next to the bars of the cell, “What for? And what makes you think I’ll even agree?”

With her being so close, he could now see the chains around her ankles. From their size, it was pretty clear that they were filled with RC suppressants. Hide straightened his tie on his CCG uniform and answered each question in order, “Yes, your help. Beezlebub, an SS rated ghoul. You trust me.” No, he knew she didn’t trust him _completely_ , but she trusted him _enough_. She had trusted him to stop the gas, but she hadn’t trusted him with the fact that she’d most likely killed those prisoners on the first floor though how, he wasn’t sure. They had certainly been drugged, but how could they have been killed within their cells?

“You want to take Beezlebub out? A scrawny thing like you? SS- what the hell does that mean?”

“Well, that’s where you come in. According to your file, you’re an S rated ghoul, right?”

“And what makes you think _I_ trust _you_? This rating system doesn’t make any sense.” The CCG American branch had adapted the Japanese rating system, and it was vastly different from the one previously used. “What happened to A, B, C- where are these S’s coming from?”

Hide gave her a skeptical look, “I’m guessing you don’t play video games? I’ll explain the rating system later.” He stepped closer to her and met her single brown eye, “And I _know_ you trust me, because you didn’t kill me when you had the chance. You could have continued with the rebellion once I stopped the gas, but you didn’t. That would have saved-what- maybe an eighth of the prisoners by the time you escaped? You trusted that by helping me, you’d save more. . . . I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious to know why,” he admitted the last part with a look of sincerity. He was honestly curious. He was certain he was walking into a death trap when he’d gone into the prison, but his conscience would never have let him live with not trying. So, if she didn’t have a genuine reason for trusting him, then the most likely reason would be that she’d been bribed in some way- though that- that was something he couldn’t even begin to understand; it held too many implications that were all based on ‘unknowns’. He’d need to actually investigate something like that, and currently it wasn’t a pressing issue.

“ . . . You kept using the word ‘ _people_ ’,” her single eye stared back at him.

“Huh?”

His innocent look annoyed her, “You said, ‘ _the people will be fine_ ’ and ‘ _these people can’t die here’_. You never once called them ghouls. I’ll help you, but not because you’re a saint; I’ll help you because you’re an idiot. Idiots at least keep life interesting.”

 _Well, that was probably the most honest she has been so far._ “Great!” and he laughed openly before turning to get a guard. Her answer would have to do for now.

“Hey, there is something I want in return.”

He turned back around, expression curious, “ _Oh?_ ” If she was working for someone else, then she wouldn’t need to ask him for favors, right?

<><><><><><><><><> 

_584 Days_

As Beezlebub fell, Hide shot a final quinque bullet through his head, and it exploded on impact, effectively decapitating the large man while sending bits of muscle and flesh falling to the ground. It was gross, and Hide silently berated himself for feeling desensitized to it.

He walked over to the blonde half-ghoul that had worked with him, and pulled on her arm to help her to a standing position “So that’s how your maria works? It doesn’t say anything like that in your file.”

“Yeah, my file, which probably hasn’t been updated since I was sent to that prison a year ago . . . “

“But in your file it says your maria is-“

She stood and pulled away from him and pulled hair out of her face, “Yes, yes, it’s a shoulder-type. I just use it differently. I learned it from a . . . spiritualist. I’ll tell you about it some time, but right now it’s not important.” And, much to Hide’s surprise, she switched to Japanese, “You have to uphold your part of the bargain. I’m not going back to the prison.”

Understanding only that she was trying to hide the meaning of their conversation to others, he followed suit and began using his native language, “What? Well, I mean- we have to figure out where you’d go then if-” Even if someone was listening, it wasn’t like he was discussing anything illegal per-se.

“I can work.” She clarified, “For you. I can work for you.”

“Well, I don’t really employ people, so I’m not really sure what-“ She wanted to work for him specifically? Given that he’d trusted her thus far, that wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary. Still, Hide couldn’t relax around her just yet.

“What’s your title?”

“Minister of Foreign Relations.”

The half-ghoul actually only vaguely understood what he said, “That means you’re traveling all the time?”

“That’s generally the idea . . .”

“And you’ll encounter all kinds of people- dangerous ghouls and the like?”

“Well, that comes with the territory for anyone working with the CCG,” he reasoned.

“I’ll be your bodyguard.”

“What?” he hadn’t seen this coming, but once she said it, he felt like an idiot for having not.

“Your bodyguard.” He noticed her look of confusion. Was she having trouble with her Japanese? She tried to clarify, “I’ll protect you.”

“Ah, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m fully capable of taking care of myself. You see.” Hide pulled out his white pistol and flicked it so that it spun around his finger and then caught it and aimed with his arm extended. He looked like something akin to a comic book hero. He was _clearly_ capable if he could do fancy tricks.

The blonde was not impressed, “I’m _useful_ ,” she insisted.

That was true. From what he’d just witnessed, she was more like an SS, maybe. Her file didn’t contain any information regarding the magic trick she’d just pulled to kill Beezlebub. He’d heard of the characteristics being present in some ghouls, but he hadn’t seen it quite like _that_. It was clear that different characteristics manifested in different ways depending on the ghoul and kakuhou type though. He’d honestly heard of stranger things. If she had killed the prisoners on the first floor of the prison, however, he now knew how it’d been done. “While I do not doubt that . . . I’ve been just fine so far, so I don’t see why I’d need a bodyguard now.” And after a beat, he added, “. . . You are missing the point.”

No, she understood. “You don’t _want_ one?”

From what he’d experienced with her so far, there was more evidence _not_ to trust her. “No offense, but it’s entirely unnecessary. Anyway, you’re property now of the CCG American Branch. I can’t just take you wherever I please,” he tried placing the responsibility somewhere else. She hadn’t honestly thought he’d be able to give her the freedom of leaving the country, did she?

“I’m not property of _anyone._ Let me come with you. You trust me. You even said so yesterday. Fighting Beezlebub, many times you turned your back to me, too. We even worked together. Am I really asking so much? You don’t have to talk to me or look at me or be responsible for me. I’ll just be your . . . shadow.” He could see how desperate she was in her one brown eye. There was something else there though- maybe _fear_?

“My shadow?” something about that didn’t sit well with him.

“Wouldn’t it be better to make use of me? I’m no good to anyone just sitting in a cell.”

Of course she wouldn’t want to go back to the prison, but she seemed set on going with him, “You should stay here then and work within your country. I really-”

If he didn’t accept, what would he be condemning her to?

<><><><><><><><><> 

_547 Days_

“Special Class Arima?” Hide recognized that the person who had called him was speaking Japanese and a male but wasn’t his father. Arima Kishou was the only other person who called him that fit that criteria.

“He was just promoted to Rank 1. He has become a mentor,” Arima replied, skipping all pleasantries.

“A mentor,” and Hide felt himself smile as he imagined it. Kaneki, after only a year or so since his accident, was teaching others. He was doing so much as ‘Sasaki’- so much that Hide knew he’d always been capable of. _Good for you, Kaneki._

“Are you familiar with the Quinx project?” It was true that Arima knew little of what Hide was doing, what he was involved in, and how involved he was with his family.

“No, I’ve never heard of it.” The truth was that Hide was kept in the dark about most things. It could be argued that he knew more about the affairs of whatever country he was in currently than that of his native one. It could also be argued that the countries he visited actually _trusted him more_.

“He’s mentoring four new recruits. I’ll send what information I can.” Hide was pleased with Arima’s response. Over the last year, he’d learned that the guy was certainly human; he was capable of feeling _guilt_. That had to be the reason behind why he would call him to give him updates on his friend like this.

“Four Rank 3s?”

“Yes.”

“Wow,” was Hide’s response. He wanted to take the time to imagine that. He wished he was able to meet Sasaki Haise. From the incredibly few updates Arima had given in the last year since he’d seen him- all of which could be counted on one hand- Haise sounded like Ken but more confident, more open- just, “Is he . . . Is he-”

Arima knew this question was coming, because it was the only consistent question Hide asked, “He is happy. Yes.”

“Thank you,” and he knew he’d hold onto this information to keep him going for the weeks or months until Arima’s next update.

“We are both responsible,” he reminded him.

Hide didn’t want to be reminded of that time, “. . . Right. Goodbye then.”

“Goodbye.”

Anna, who’d been watching the whole thing with her one brown eye from the chair in the hotel room, pulled him from his thoughts, “Somehow, I don’t think that was a leisurely chat with your mother.”

Hide looked over to her, “It wasn’t,” and then he belly-flopped onto the bed, face landing into a white down pillow. He wanted to spend what was left of the evening imagining Kaneki as a teacher. He could allow himself this brief moment of peace. _I wish I could meet Sasaki . . ._

She set her book, The Cather in the Rye, down on the round side table, “Are you going to share?”

“No,” came a muffled voice from the pillow. Her presence had become an accepted consequence of his own actions. The prison. The extermination of Beezlebub. It was true that she’d end up dead or possibly something worse if he didn’t accept her. He couldn’t really call it _saving_ her, because she did deserve punishment for what she’d done in the past, but it was certainly thanks to him that her future held some amount of _opportunity_.

“Idiot,” and she dropped it. She could tell it was important, because of Hide’s expression.

She’d never seen him smile like that.

Lucky for her, her hearing was good enough to hear part of it. She’d need to remember it for later.

<><><><><><><><><> 

_523 Days_

Anna looked down at the compound and bit her lip. There were lines and lines and lines of chains. It was degrading. Weaker ghouls, those that could be easily _controlled_ , were now being used for labor. It was part of a new initiative that Hide had actually proposed to the cabinet of the CCG American branch. It was a compromise that kept the ghouls _alive_. They weren’t being killed. They weren’t being experimented on. They weren’t being made into weapons.  . . . but they weren’t free, either. They were still being treated like they were less than human.

As soon as they were alone, she spoke, “This is wrong.” The fingers on her right hand fiddled with the night shade flowers over her eyepatch that hung in purple and yellow tresses. A few of the berries added texture to the arrangement she’d created over her eye. Since she’d started living outside the prison, she’d been decorating her eyepatch daily, and when Hide asked, she commented that it was her only hobby.

Hide wasn’t happy either, but he bit back his frustration, “They’re alive, aren’t they?”

“They’re _breathing_ , if that’s what you mean,” her tone was harsh.

Her words cut through Hide’s already weakened defenses, but he tried to fight the guilt that was eating away at him, “This was the best option.” Yes, it was painfully obvious when she was being honest.

She noticed his weakened disposition and bit back her personal feelings towards the matter. She had a job to do. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry. I believe you. I don’t know why you give a damn, because you’re _human_ , but it’s clear that you care about them.”

“It is?” And he looked at her, eyes wide in horror.

She mirrored his expression, because she had learned in the last two months since the battle with Beezlebub that his lack of composure was clearly something that _wasn’t_ normal for him, so every time it happened, it panicked her, “Whoa- I mean, to me.” She had to fix this, “It’s clear to me. It has been for a while but- You’re hiding that, too?” A ghoul-loving human? It had been crazy to her, and she was half, “I guess you have to . . .”

Hide fixed his mask and his fear fell away, “Let me know if . . . in the future I say something stupid. I can’t afford for it to be clear to anyone else.”

“I understand . . .” she said slowly. It was becoming more and more clear how hard this life was for the Japanese man, but it was the life he’d chosen for himself. No sympathy was needed there. He was a human fighting for ghouls while on the side of humans. It made so little sense.

“I’m sorry things ended up this way,” and while it was his fault that ghouls were being used in something that was nothing more than slavery, Hide couldn’t find his own words comforting as he watched the men and women below him. Alive. Sure.

She reminded him, “It’s not your fault. Like you said . . . they’re alive.” Anna still felt her words were appropriate given the situation. Sometimes, people needed to hear lies in order to go on living, so she’d supply whatever Hide needed to keep moving forward.

He had never touched her, so when he took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, she was immediately on the defense. When she realized he was just seeking comfort, she returned the action. Humans needed things like this, too.

The brunette had gotten much better at reading her now, but oftentimes her lies would sound honest and her honesty would sound disingenuous. He’d never called her out on any of them. He never even hinted at the fact that he could tell she was lying at times. Besides, most of the time, when she was being deceptive, it had to do with emotions or feelings or opinions- not actions.

When Hide said nothing else, she grew impatient, “France, huh?” she whispered- the question holding a lot more weight than the words themselves.

“Yeah.” He had employed her as his bodyguard with the American branch and the Tokyo branch’s approval. He would take her. If she wanted to escape when they got there, she could, and it wouldn’t matter either way to him.

<><><><><><><><><><> 

_490 Days_

To his surprise, she hadn’t left. Four weeks into their stay in Paris, and she was still here with him. Either she had a reason to stay or she was too scared to leave. He was lying on the couch in the hotel room the CCG French branch had provided them; it was considerably nicer than the one in America. He’d been asleep when he felt something warm poke at his cheek, and swatted Anna’s strange white kagune away like one would an obnoxious horse fly.

“I’m trying to sleep,” he complained.

“What’s with this photo? Who is this guy?” rhododendron had been pinned to her eyepatch and bloomed pink from her right eye.

He only carried one photo. His eyes shot open. She was holding it. He sat up and stretched, and used the coldest, most threatening tone he could muster, “ _Give it back._ ”

And she only laughed, “Damn. Ok. I will. I will. Tell me who he is.”

He knew she’d never take that seriously. Hide deflated into the couch and smiled. They had been through a lot together in the three months they’d known each other. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t trust her at all even if she did have her awkward moments and even if there were some things she lied about that he didn’t quite understand. He’d been chalking them up to the fact that she hadn’t grown up in the same environment; ghouls were raised to live very differently from humans. Maybe he was just desperate to have a friend. He’d been through so much since he’d joined the CCG, and there was still little worse than simply being _alone_.

“Kaneki Ken- an old friend,” and his smile grew into something beautiful and knowing. He’d also be lying if he said he didn’t want one person- at least just one person he could talk to about Ken. It made Kaneki real. It made Kaneki more than just a memory in his own mind. The brief conversations with the dead toned death god weren’t really doing it for him.

Anna noticed that smile. She’d only seen it once before. It was when he’d gotten that phone call from Japan back in America, “Kaneki Ken?” and she looked at the picture again, and then pointed to the other person in it, holding it up for Hide to see, “Is this you, too? You bleached your hair? Were you a delinquent?”

“What? No. Where did you get that idea?” his smile had grown.

“Everyone in Japan who bleaches their hair are delinquents, right?” she was clearly teasing him. She had never expected that the Minister of Foreign Relations- the man responsible for the success of all CCG operations outside of Japan- actually bleached his hair in high school.

He appreciated that she had also been opening up over time or at least attempting to. “No- what? No. I wasn’t a delinquent. I just liked it that color,” he was laughing.

She looked at the photo again and realized that his brown roots were showing. How sloppy. She crinkled her nose and the flowers on her white leather eyepatch shifted as she shared her thoughts, “You look like a damn sunflower. Why did you stop?” He could tell that her question was vague on purpose.

“Would you please give it back already?” he whined, glad for moments he didn’t have act like a Washuu and could be himself again.

She was still studying the photo thoughtfully. The other boy had a soft and sincere smile. It looked innocent and genuine. She added, “But this guy- he looks like an anemone- a white one.”

“I’ll take it back now,” Hide insisted, because even if he did trust her, and even if he did want to talk about it, he was too nervous to do so.

He never had before. Not with _anyone_.

“Is Anemone dead?” she asked, watching the other’s expression.

He had never talked about any of it with anyone, and he wasn’t sure he could.

“You left him behind?” she ventured.

“ . . . . He’s not . . . it’s complicated,” and Hide realized that maybe he still wasn’t ready.

“You’re in love with him?”

“You love jumping to conclusions, don’t you?” She was always doing that, and she was only right about half the time, but this time . . . it was written on his face.

She must have decided the question had been answered, because she went on as if he’d answered, “But it’s true. I’ve seen you look at this photo before, and with how much value you place on this little piece of paper-shit- it’s kind of gross.”

And Hide actually laughed at that. He knew she meant that it was gross because it was sweet. He was learning that she tended to shy away from anything that made her consider her own emotions, “Give it back quick or you’ll get cooties!”

Anna rolled her one brown eye as he laughed, “Whatever,” but she realized she still had the photo in her hand, so she had some amount of power, “I’ll give it back on one condition.”

His laughter settled down after a moment, and he smiled genuinely at her, waiting to hear. He was grateful that she was, ultimately, a good-natured person, or so he’d decided in the three months she’d been his _shadow_.

“Talk to me about him?”

Hide hadn’t expected that. “What?”

“When you look at this photo . . . sometimes you look like a different person.”

“Ok . . . just give it back.” He would. He wanted to. Just not all at once. This was enough for now. Just _saying his name out loud_ was enough for now.

She handed it back to him using her thin white kagune, and he looked at it briefly before putting it back into his wallet. He’d gotten used to how casual she was with her kagune- something that was intended to be used only as a weapon.

“Like a soldier off at war looking at a photo of the sweetheart he left back home.”

“Enough . . .”

<><><><><><><><><><><> 

_240 days_

“Hey, what are you doing?” They had only been in Spain a week and the list of things Hide needed to address had multiplied several times over during his stay in France. They wouldn’t be back in Japan for some time. He had woken up incredibly early that morning only to find that the bathroom was already occupied and had been for several minutes. He wasn’t in a hurry, but he found it odd that Anna was up so early. Granted, she was always awake before he was, but it was only four-thirty.

On the other side of the door Anna squeaked, “No-nothing!” and in her surprise, she dropped the small metal clippers in her hand. They hit the porcelain counter hard, but it was thankfully solid, so it did not damage.

“It doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“Hideyoshi Washuu don’t you dare fucking come in,” and he realized that the room they’d been given was too old to have locks on the bathroom door.

“I’m coming innnn~” He turned the handle and opened the door wide.

“Hide-stop! I-“ and Anna reached to cover her right eye that was currently bleeding, causing blood  to drip down her cheek and neck.

Hide’s brown eyes went wide. This wasn’t what he was expecting her to be hiding at all. “What happened?” and something darker lighted them when he saw the metal clippers, “No, what did you _do_?”

“Just leave,” and her tone was harsh and threatening.

But the two had been together a year now, and every threat she made fell on deaf ears. She’d never once laid a finger on him to hurt him. At one point during a battle in France, she’d even lost fingers temporarily to protect him. At this point, he was confident that she would never _physically_ harm him. “You-no way.” Still, in the year that he’d known her, and despite that they shared a hotel or apartment in the countries they’d visited, he’d never- not once- seen behind her flowered eyepatch. “Every day? You do this every morning.” It wasn’t a question.

“It’s none of your damn business,” she growled.

That annoyed him. He had shared things about himself in efforts to ebb away at his own loneliness, but she had shared little, “Really? We’ve known each other over a year now.” He reminded her, “Tell me why?”

“I just don’t want to forget . . .” and those words fell flat on his ears. She was probably lying again, but he didn’t let on that he could tell.

She went on, “I don’t want to forget them- my mother and father. And I don’t want to forget how much they loved each other. The moment I forget that I was born from that love- I-I’m scared I’ll start hating them- hating them and ghouls and humans- this life.”

“Tell me about them,” he let go, “while you _treat_ it. Tell me about your family.”

“This is stupid” she muttered under her breath, and then looked up into the round mirror to meet his eyes reflected there, “. . . you really want to know?”

“I do,” and he leaned against the back side of the bathroom and met her single eye to nod in encouragement.

“I was a miracle, according to some . . . because I had been born to parents of two different species.  My father was ghoul, and my mother was human. My mother never told me how they fell in love. Rather, she never told the truth. When I asked my mother as a child, she would always have a different story. She was his lady luck at a casino one night. They met at a museum after bumping into one another while studying a painting. He fell in love with her after seeing her at work and then visited every day after. When I asked father, he just said they were all true and would laugh. I stopped asking. It was something they never shared with me.”

She dropped the black eye in the toilet and flushed immediately. Hide watched her go through the motions while taking in the fact that though this was horrifying and new to him, to her, it was just routine.

“My father was always happy- smiling and telling jokes. He always knew how to calm my mother down, to speak to her kindly or make her laugh when she got depressed. My mother was often-times depressed- not because of something my father did . . . She would get depressed about how my father had to live. She would try to shoulder everything ghouls did, and it was too much for her. I think my father knew it would be . . .”

He watched as something like white spaghetti began to reach out from the dark bloody tissues of where her right eye had been. It was terrifying, even knowing that it was her kagune, it looked like something out of a horror film- like a parasite had been living behind her eye all this time and she was setting it free. The white tendrils melded together and eventually took the shape of an orb. Where her eye used to be, she now had a white pearlescent orb made from the solidified form of her ukaku kagune. It was too errie for Hide to look at, so he studied the cracks in the walls.

 “He was killed by another ghoul after trying to protect me when I was fifteen. My mother and I moved away and went into hiding. She was always miserable after that. She-she hated looking at me, speaking to me, anything- I think it was because I reminded her of my father.”

The half-ghoul wiped the blood trail up her neck, her cheek, and finally to the corners of her right eye. It had stopped bleeding when she’d put her kagune in its place.

“In a moment of clarity, she must have realized what she’d become. She killed herself, and by my seventeenth birthday, I was alone. But I-I had been raised for fifteen years by two people who loved very much- very deeply . . . both humans and ghouls. So I-so I wanted to continue that. I want to love humans and ghouls equally, too.”

She was pinning white flowers to her eyepatch now. They were large with long stigmas and looked purple on the inside. Thornapple flowers.

Hide nodded, “I understand now.”

“My parents, my parents really did love one another. I just don’t want to forget what they went through.”

“I understand,” and as soon as her eyepatch was tied in place, he wrapped arms around her and rested his head on hers. She stiffened up, but he knew she wouldn’t mind. She’d learned to put up with how tactile he was.

Of course he understood her story. He _understood_ that it was all bullshit.

But he said nothing. He let her continue her lie.

Once again, she watched him in the mirror, “I’m sure it has to do a lot with Anemone, but- you’re able to love both equally, too, so I want to help you.”

That part _seemed_ honest, at least. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just watched her reflection in the glass. Did he love both equally? He tried. He loved his best friend. He cared for the people around him. It hadn’t mattered to him that they were ghouls. It never mattered that Kaneki had become one. “Thank you, Anna.”

She rolled her one brown eye, “No, thank you, _Mr. Washuu_.” She was mocking him, and her voice was high-pitched and uncharacteristically energetic when she spoke, “In this last year, I’ve been able to do _so much_ just by supporting you. I hope I can continue to support you for many years to come!”

Hide only laughed in response. He’d gotten used to her attitude, even if she could be a little harsh at times. He played along and spoke an octave lower than his natural voice and narrowed his eyes, “You’re like my adorable sidekick, Investigator Anna- ohohohoho!”

“Hohoho- what are you- Santa Clause?” and she pushed him off as she began to clean the tools she’d used in the sink.

Hide smiled, “Really, _I’d_ prefer to be the sidekick, but I guess that’s not really possible when you have a family name like mine.”

When she shook her head, some of the pollen from the flowers in her eyepatch arrangement fell, “What? Your personality doesn’t _allow_ room for a sidekick.”

“Whaaat? I’m a dependable guy!” he insisted in a dramatic whine.

“Damn, I never said _that_. I’m just saying that you have a big personality, so you would garner all of the attention.” She added thoughtfully, “I bet Anemone was your sidekick.” Any mention of him usually got the same reaction from Hide.

And there it was. Hide smiled genuinely, and his eyes told her he was a million miles away, “He was the one always trying to get me out trouble, so I’m not sure that would mean-” but he returned too quickly, “-Anna, in all seriousness, though. If you are truly intending to stay with me, we’ll be returning to Tokyo in a few months assuming nothing holds us back in Spain or the U.K. You can’t get away with even a fraction of what you have in the past. . . . And neither can I.”

“Okay, when we go to Japan, what do I need to be?” she closed the pouch that held her tools and discarded the branch she’d been picking from in the trash. He’d learned that she liked things to be clean.

“Silent. Discreet. Impersonal.”

“Right . . .” he sounded like he was describing a certain secret agent from a comic book of some sort. She added, “Doesn’t your grandfather already know that I’m half?”

“He does. So does my father.”

“But no one else does? From what I’ve read there already are half-ghouls running around. There’s some Sasaki guy, and a group called the Quinx. I think there are four of them. There’s not much in the database though . . .”

Immediately, Hide understood her meaning, and he appreciated that someone had voiced what he’d been thinking. Arima had never told him the details of just who Kaneki was mentoring. When he’d found out, he’d been more than a little surprised, “Oh no, the Quinx is a squad that only has _quinques_ _implanted_ in them, so they’re clearly not the same as having _kakuhou_.” He gestured dramatically with his hands to infer that these things were clearly not the same.  “Wait-a-minute- you’ve been logging into the database under my name again?”

It took her a second to process the Japanese term for what she knew as ‘marias’. Hide had somewhat handicapped her by always catering his language to fit her native English. They always used English between them, because he was always trying to improve his. “. . . You’re being facetious,” and after a beat she added, “I _like_ that look on you.”

He only laughed in response, “Of course.”

She walked out of the bathroom and stretched, “And yes, I have. I like to be in the know. Is it wrong that the Tokyo CCG branch is feeling more and more intimidating?”

He grabbed his toothbrush. “No, that sounds about right . . .” When she walked away, Hide was left to his thoughts. He didn’t understand why some things she felt were necessary to lie about but others weren’t. If she was someone suspicious, wouldn’t she have lied about accessing the database and not her history? It had been over a year, and he still felt like he was missing pieces of the puzzle. Maybe he was just over-thinking things . . .

Maybe not.

<><><><><><><><><><> 

_120 Days - unfinished_

It was September. They were still in Spain.  The date of his return home had been pushed back so many times that Hide was sure he’d feel like a tourist in his own country by the time he’d make it back.

“Thank you, Special Class Arima,” Hide hung up the phone.

_That’s it._

Anna had been sitting on the chaise pretending to read a book when she asked, “So, Arima is that famous guy, right? The god of death in Tokyo?”

Hide held his breath. He’d heard her. He could do this. He could respond. “Some people call him that, I guess . . .” and he exhaled, and he felt himself slipping away, and water was gathering in his eyes for the first time in years, and he felt too weak to stand, and in his chest there was a very intense and very real pain and-

_It’s over._

Anna noticed right away that something was off and looked up from her book, “Hide?”

And the brunette fell to his knees and crossed his arms over his chest, his hands gripping his shoulders in some kind of self-embrace, and all he could say was, “It’s _him_.” He gasped for air again, and he knew his lunges weren’t damaged in any way so why was it so fucking hard to breathe? He just-

“Anemone?” and Anna had never seen _this_. She’d never seen Hide like _this_. Inside, she felt fear she couldn’t name, one she wasn’t familiar with feeling, and so, in response, she moved slowly towards him as if approaching a wounded animal. Had Anemone _died_?

He gasped again. _It’s over, but I’m still alive?_ He could still breathe somehow. Was it really possible that his heart could endure this amount of stress? “He-” and he could still speak? What had been the question? Kaneki he had- “I told you he had been in an accident and had amnesia?”

“Yes, of course,” Anna was near him now, and she crouched down beside him slowly, unsure of what to do. He looked like he was in pain, but he was clearly not hurt anywhere; this was all stemming from some sort of emotional suffering. She’d never seen him quite like this- like he’d break if touched. She’d watched him shoulder so many sins in the past year, but none of them had brought him to _this_. She wasn’t aware he could ever even be _fragile_. A single eye studied him nervously while the violet verbena over her right eye shifted as she leaned closer.

“He remembers now,” and he was aware that tears were now falling, but he couldn’t stop them. He’d lost control. Of his body. Of his emotions. Of himself. He _never lost control_.

“Shit. Everything? You, too?” and Anna instantly regretted her tone.

He could only nod as his body shook uncontrollably.

The half-ghoul had no idea how to respond to Hide’s reaction and stuttered over her words, “Hide-what- Hide-Hey- what’s wrong? Hey, shouldn’t you be happy? What the fuck is going on? Hide?” and she didn’t touch him.

He could only shake his head. He could not form words.

_This is it, Kaneki. I-I just wanted you to have another chance. I just wanted you to find happiness. Even if it meant starting over. Even if it meant we’d be apart. Even if it meant I’d- Kaneki- I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry-you-_

Anna watched for a moment. Hide was _crying_ , still gasping for air as he leaned over on his knees. He was actually _crying_. Gathering courage, she tried embracing him and wrapped her arms around him and patted him on the back, “No-no, you’re fine. Just-” and, feeling awkward, the blonde pulled his arms from across his chest so she could pull him closer, “Just cry it all out.” The embrace was not comfortable, but when Anna felt Hide return it and desperately pull her near, she felt a small amount of pride in her accomplishment. Affection and comfort was not something she was experienced in.

“He wasn’t supposed to remember,” he choked out as he pulled her closer, hoping that somehow he’d regain some amount of control if he could just sit up. When he inhaled again, he smelled nothing but the verbena on her eyepatch, and he shut his eyes tightly as he struggled to regain whatever amount control he could.

This was the closest they’d even been despite how physical Hide could be with others, but Anna hoped it would end soon, “Why not?”

“They- they may not let him live.” _And it will be my fault. I made the wrong choice. I thought that at least this way you’d be happy. You’d be alive, and you’d be happy._

“Huh-wait-what?” her eye was wide. Who was ‘ _they_ ’, and for what reason did they have to kill Hide’s friend?

“He’s like you,” he choked out. He’d never spoken to anyone about this, not that it was a secret anymore. A sob emitted from deep within when he realized secrecy didn’t matter- not anymore.

“What? Like me? What do you mean?” and she wished she could break the embrace to look at him, because this new information was hitting her deeply.

“He’s half ghoul.”

And suddenly everything made sense. The unlocked cell door. The eyepatch.

“He wasn’t always. Without his knowledge a kakuhou was transplanted into his body, and he was turned into a ghoul.”

Anna froze. _Everything_ since that day in the prison made complete sense now. And everything Hide did- everything he risked despite his very obvious feelings . . . it all made sense now.

The puppeteer was a talented one.

“I get it now. Oh my god, Hide. Why you fucking stay with the CCG despite the fact that you hate it, why you-” she pulled out of the embrace, so that she could look at him, but when she saw his face red and wet with tears, she lost her words. Hide was probably the strongest human she knew. She’d never expected to see him show his suffering so openly- not like this.

“I don’t know if they’ll let him live. I-”

It was shocking what humans would do for others. She couldn’t express properly her own feelings. Was she shocked? Disgusted? Angry? Jealous? Sad? Concerned?

“I can’t do anything, Anna,” and finally he noticed that she wasn’t responding, and he needed a response. He needed anything he could get in that moment, because he felt like what he had was nothing.

She blinked a few times before putting her hands on his shoulders, “Listen to me, Hide. Your name is Hideyoshi Washuu. You’re a member of one of the most powerful families in the world. You are the Minister of Foreign Relations between the CCG Tokyo Branch and the rest of the _world_. You’ve solved _numerous_ problems across many different countries and cultures. You’ve saved _countless_ lives and you- you’re _in love_ with this guy. Aren’t you?”

“ . . . Yes.”

Could the word _‘love’_ be an understatement? Was it really _‘love’_ that he felt? What he’d done- what he’d left behind- what he’d sacrificed- did people do those things for _‘love’_? Was that the name of his reasoning?

“You would do _anything_ for Anemone, wouldn’t you?”

“ _Yes.”_ Simple, because hadn’t he proved that?

Anna’s eye narrowed, and her critical tone shot words from her mouth to his ears like bullets, “Then quit fucking crying! Pull yourself together. Call your father. _Fix things._ Make sure that when you go back to Tokyo, Anemone will be alive and waiting for you.”

He stared at her single eye and took comfort that, at least in this moment, she was being genuine. She was right. He couldn’t let anything happen to Ken. He’d protected him through this much; there had to be more that he could do- anything he could do. Whatever they wanted- it didn’t matter.

“Yes.”

_I’ll find a way to protect you, Kaneki._

<><><><><><><><><><><><> 

_3 Days_

“He hasn’t shown suspicion?”

“No, not since that little back story about my eye. You’re quite the storyteller. He ate it up.” It was much easier to lie over the phone.

“You already have the habit.”

“Well, yeah, but now that he thinks I have this tragic history, I think he feels he can trust me more. He’s gotten kind of protective, and he’s really opened up about Kaneki Ken.”

“. . . You ghouls are governed by your stomachs.”

She could hear everything he _wasn’t_ saying. “I resent that.” He was _judging_ her for taking a job _he’d offered her_.

“Special Class Arima?”

“Yes, he called and told Hide that Kaneki was not killed and had returned to work. His calls have become more frequent. He’s also warned him that Kaneki is looking for him. Hide tried to hide it, but he seemed pretty happy about it.”

“In the airport, you can’t go through security. Make do. Also, dye your hair.”

“ . . . Yes, sir.” And so it would be done.

“That is all.”

“Wait-a-minute.”

“What?”

“You’ll like this. We spent four weeks traveling to other countries while in Europe. We took trains or small private planes and he paid cash, assumedly so you couldn’t track him. He never let me into any of the meetings save for one country- the United Kingdom, because they also had a ghoul with them as a guard of some sort, but judging just on that one meeting- he’s appealing to others concerning International Ghoul Law. He’s making proposals behind your back.”

When he said nothing in response, she decided that his silence told her that this was good information.

“ . . . I’ll want details on that when you arrive at headquarters. Anything else?”

She tried being bold, though her tone was rather catty, “I wanted to ask. Does this mean that while living in Tokyo, I’ll have protection from the infamous Aogiri Tree as well?”

She heard a grunt on the other end of the line. “You assume too much.”

“Right. Just checking. –Also-”

A dial tone sounded and French could be heard requesting credits to make a phone call.

“Rude.”

She picked up her purse and rejoined Hide in the terminal lounge of the Paris International Airport. They would soon be in Japan. She debated over black or brown hair. Maybe black was more appropriate.

<><><><><><><><><><> 

_December 17 th _

The ceremony was a lot bigger than Hide had expected. There were several other operations that were being mentioned and many other investigators that were being promoted and honored that evening. Still, it was clear that the Quinx and their mentor drew the most attention whether it was positive or not.

Hide was in his formal wear in-between his father and half-brother. He had spoken with them only briefly. In truth, Matsuri was little more than a stranger, and his father spoke few pleasantries. Once Hide had introduced Anna, who’d, to her surprise also been provided formal attire, they’d spent most of the conversation inquiring as to where he’d been and where he was going. He liked that his feelings towards them were minimal; if his half-brother or his father had been more present in his life prior to the CCG, it would have made working with them more difficult. The two had all but ignored the half-ghoul, but Hide knew well enough that she preferred it that way and when the ceremony started, she stood silently behind them.

It was the first time Hide had seen his best friend in nearly three years, and when he walked up on stage to receive the next stripe for ‘First Class’, Hide held his breath. He’d been told by Arima that his black hair had been growing back at one point, but no one had mentioned that it’d turned white again. Hide shivered at the implications that may have meant for Kaneki. He noticed how disciplined Kaneki appeared on the stage, and he couldn’t help but feel proud of him. If someone five years ago had told him they would be in this position, he would have laughed endlessly. What a dream. Or nightmare.

After the ceremony, Hide said his goodbyes quickly to his father and half-brother after claiming he was too jet-lagged to attend the reception. It was a lie, of course. The truth was that he knew he _couldn’t_ stay. Staying meant he’d have an opportunity to speak to Arima, Akira, and . . . Sasaki. Three years ago he would have rushed to their side with some joke ready, patting his best friend on the back while he stuffed his face full of whatever had been accessible from the buffet. He’d get some kind of sass from Akira, and Kaneki would blush and apologize for his behavior. It felt like another life.

Anna was relieved that they were leaving. When they’d arrived, they’d gone to their hotel immediately. Hide had dyed her hair, and then they had both passed out. They had been ready for the ceremony in time, but she was certain she could sleep another ten hours and still not feel rested by this point. Hide had been walking rather quickly from the banquet hall, so she had to run a little in her heels to catch up to him in the hallway.

Anna knew it would not be an easy evening for the brunette, but she also knew that leaving Hide to his own thoughts could be dangerous, “That was him, right? Sasaki Haise? He really does look like a white anemone now,” she yawned and leaned onto him for support from the pain in her feet. Hide responded by putting a hand on her back because he just needed to feel useful at the moment.

“Yes, that’s him,” but he didn’t look at her.

“You’re really not going to say anything to him?” She turned to him, searching his brown eyes with her own, her right covered in miniature blue roses.

Hide still did not look at her, “No.”

She relented, “I don’t understand.” Usually, Hide enjoyed talking about Anemone. He enjoyed remembering him. He enjoyed retelling the experiences they’d had together.

“It’s not what my grandfather wants.”

“Since when did you start doing everything _his_ way?” and she yawned again, and stretched, stepping away from Hide as they walked outside. That was a boring answer, and though she knew it wasn’t typical of Hide’s attitude, she should have seen it coming. He was treating life here in Japan very differently from how he treated it in the past. “So that’s how it is different for you? You’re human, but we both feel like prisoners.”

It was clear that even though this is where his happiness could be found, he did not possess the freedom to reach for it. But what was she implying about herself? For the first time in a while, he finally had something that might give him insight into why she was still _here_. He’d always expected her to leave as soon as she had a passport and was in a new country, but she never had, and here she was claiming that it wasn’t an _option_ for her?

“Did you notice if he recognized me?”

The half-ghoul reported what she saw, “After he made eye-contact with you, his eyes hardly ever strayed after that. He was watching you the whole last fifteen minutes.”

“I see.”

“Do you think he recognized you?” The cold night air of Nishi-Shinjuku was stale, and it was mostly quiet this time of night as it consisted mostly of office buildings. It was surprising that a city of this size with so many people living in it could actually be quiet.

He led the way toward the subway station, “I don’t know. Did he make eye contact with you?”

“Once, but I looked away, and we didn’t after that.” She kept herself alert, ready to remove her shoes if needed. It was _too_ quiet in a city this big, “. . .How long will we be staying in Tokyo?”

Hide didn’t notice anything about his surroundings, because his mind was a million miles away. “I’m not sure. I’m assigned to the South Korean branch after the holiday.”

“That’s so close.”

“It is. It’s close enough that we might be able to work there through the week and then return to Japan over the weekend. Possibly vice-versa,” his voice held a quiet ring of hope.

“Shit, can you _speak_ Korean?”

 Hide would never quite get used to how casual Americans cursed even if he had seen it in movies growing up, “I started practicing last week.”

“It’s not fair. You take to languages like a duck to water.”

“What?” he hadn’t heard the idiom before.

“It makes sense.” She insisted, and then added, “You soak up languages like a sponge.” She’d let him put it together.

“ . . . Yeah.” It kind of made sense, “I try.”

“You’ve never heard that one?”

“I guess not.” and he took on a whining tone, finally brightening, “My English will never be as good as yours!”

Anna often found herself depending on his sunny disposition, “Would you stop?! It was my first language! My Japanese will never be as good as yours!” and she laughed in relief.

A smile came to his lips, and it was one she now associated with his thoughts of Kaneki Ken.  Anna offered him an opening to speak his thoughts, because he clearly was still recovering from the events of the evening, “Will you not even see him outside of the CCG?”

Hide tried to smile, and she learned that half the time it was for himself and not for others, “There is no ‘ _outside of the CCG_ ’ for either of us. It’s the same for you.” When he said the last part, she looked away from him.

She understood what he was implying. No one employed with the CCG could move about freely, ghoul or otherwise, “I get what you’re saying, but you could still-”

“It’s not the same.” The typical ring that lighted his voice was gone in an instant, “I’m . . . not the same.” It was something Hide knew would happen. Of course it would. It had been nearly three years, and in that time he’d seen too much, he’d done too much, and he’d lost-

“If Anemone feels the same way about you then I don’t think he-”

“Well, _he doesn’t_ ,” and his words had escaped his lips before he could ever consider them. They were the words he repeated often in his mind to keep himself from _breaking_. It was easier to think that Kaneki wasn’t carrying that kind of burden in addition to everything else. Even if it meant having his feelings returned, Hide wouldn’t wish that pain on him.

His words were so final that she made no effort to deny them.

And when she said nothing to the contrary, he added, “ _He never has._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> You finished reading the chapter! OTL I’m sorry for the wait. Chapter 14 of Farewells comes next. :D
> 
> * Song Translation: In a place worn down by sadness something called a miracle is waiting. We are still searching for the sunflower that grows at the end of spring.” (K – Only Human) 
> 
> So, I took out several scenes from this chapter that were basically more examples of how the rest of the world (ex. India, UK, Spain, and France) was dealing with ghouls and how Hide had to shoulder and balance those responsibilities as well. I decided that after what happened in America, it was best to just hand-wave the rest of it. If anyone is interested in reading them, I can just post them to my tumblr. I don’t think they really added to the chapter except to say, ‘Yes, Hide’s life has sucked this much since he took the title of Washuu.’ 
> 
> ‘Messy and Intense’ = Conspiracies everywhere
> 
> There are both Japanese (the hanakotoba Tsukiyama loves so much) and Western (Victorian) meanings to flowers. I really liked the Japanese meaning for sunflowers: ‘only having eyes for you’, ‘passionate love’, and ‘radiance’. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this. I hope that it has expanded 'Farewells' and added new aspects to it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart~!


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